Božične težave...

Tole sem ravnokar dobil po mailu. Če kdo še ni videl, pasteam tu. Na žalost je v hrvaščini in tega ne grem prevajat, po svoje pa zveni tako celo bolje. Pasteam nespremenjen tekst, pe nekaj besed sem polepšal:


BOŽIĆ

1.12. – SVIM SURADNICAMA I SURADNICIMA

Želim Vas sve srdačno pozvati za naš ovogodišnji Božićni tulum koji će biti 20.12. u Argentina-Steakhouse. Uz malu glazbenu grupu pjevat ćemo poznate Božićne pjesme, a naš poslovođa će upaliti Božićna svjetla na boru kostimiran kao Djed Mraz!

Veselim se Vašem dolasku i želim Vama i Vašim obiteljima mirno vrijeme adventa.

Bernfried Meier-Eiergeist
Voditelj Human Resources


2.12. – SVIM SURADNICAMA I SURADNICIMA

Naravno ni u kojem slučaju naš jučerašnji poziv ne bi trebao izolirati naše turske suradnike. Svjesni smo da njihovi blagdani nisu isti kao i naši te ćemo zato od sada naše okupljenje zvati „tulum prije kraja godine“. Također neće biti bora niti ćemo pjevati božićne pjesme. Želim Vama i Vašim obiteljima lijepo vrijeme.

Bernfried Meier-Eiergeist
Voditelj Human Resources


3.12. - SVIM SURADNICAMA I SURADNICIMA

Javljam se na diskretan ukaz jednog člana anonimnih liječenih alkoholičara koji zahtijeva „suhi“ stol. Drago mi je da mogu ispuniti ovu želju, ali ukazujem da anonimnost time više neće biti sto posto garantirana…

Bernfried Meier-Eiergeist
Voditelj Human Resources


7.12. - SVIM SURADNICAMA I SURADNICIMA

Uspio sam rezervirati stol svim članovima udruge “Kontrolirana prehrana” daleko od švedskog stola, a svim trudnicama stol blizu toaleta. Pederi smiju sjesti zajedno. Lezbijke ne moraju sjesti s pederima nego će imati stol za sebe. Naravno pederi će dobiti aranžman cvijeća za njihov stol. Jeste li napokon svi zadovoljni?

Bernfried Meier-Eiergeist
Voditelj Ludnice


9.12. - SVIM SURADNICAMA I SURADNICIMA

Naravno da ćemo zaštiti i nepušače od pušača i koristit ćemo težak zastor koji može odvojiti dvoranu tuluma te ćemo smjestiti pušače u šator.

Bernfried Meier-Eiergeist
Voditelj Ludnice
10.12.

Vegetarijanci! Vas sam čekao! Boli me **rac da li Vam se sviđa ili ne: ići ćemo u Steakhaus!!! Možete ako želite letjeti na Mjesec da biste sjeli 20.12. što je moguće dalje od “grila smrti” kako Vi to nazivate. Hranite se salatama iz salad bara i požderite sve sirove rajčice!
P.S.: I rajčice imaju osjećeje, deru se kad ih režemo, već sam ih čuo kako se deru, hahahaha! Želim Vam svima **rčev Božić, napijte se i poginite!!!!

Ful-budala s trećeg kata, koji S VAMA izgubi svoje vrijeme.


14. 12. DRAGI SURADNICE I SURADNICI

Kako smo saznali gospodin Meier-Eiergeist je već puno bolje. Rukovodstvo sanatorija je odlučilo da ćemo ga već za nekoliko mjeseci moći posjetiti.

Jens-Peter Müller
vd Voditelj Human Resources

P.S.: Božićni tulum 20.12. je otkazan.

To je verjetno že prevedena verzija,... jaz imam eno v angleščini (po moje je ta original):

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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November 2004
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas Tree will be lit at 1.00p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.

Pauline

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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November 2004
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Pauline.

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FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November 2004
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management believe £10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline.

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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November 2004
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins The Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the Gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the Restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

Pauline.

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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F**ing Employees
DATE: 8 November 2004
RE: The F****ing Holiday Party.

Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it, you'll get your f***ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feelings too, they scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!! I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink, drive and die.

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 9th November 2004
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.