Šale

Hehe, dost variant na neumno čistilko obstaja. Nazadnje sem bral o misterioznih downtimih serverja po delovnem času, katerih vzrok je bil isti.

*/Gates vs. GM/*

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and
affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives,
read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates
reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto
industry and stated,

'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer
industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that
got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a
press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would
all be driving cars with the following characteristics
(and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would
crash........Twice a day.


2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you
would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for
no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the
road, close all of the windows, shut off the car,
restart it, and reopen the windows before you could
continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.


4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left
turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to
restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the
engine.


5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the
sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy
to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.


6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning
lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has
Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.


I love the next one!!!


7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before
deploying.


8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car
would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you
simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key
and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.


9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would
have to learn how to drive all over again because none
of the controls would operate in the same manner as the
old car.


10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the
engine off.

Uhvatili četnici Albanca, dali mu kockicu, da baca, i kažu:
"Aku bacis od 1 do 5, koljemo te."

A šta, ako bacim 6?" pita Albanac.
"Pa bacaš ponovo, JEBOTEEEEE!"

KITAJSKI PREGOVOR :
Pes, ki laja .................. ni dovolj kuhan!

YOU KNOW YOU ARE SLOVENIAN WHEN...

1. Šlivo cures everything from a stomachache to paper cuts.
2. You are well acquainted with “sarma”.
3. You eat everything with “ajvar”.
4. Your profanity consists of Croatian and Serbian phrases because Slovenija is too pure to have swear words.
5. There is nothing gross about blood sausages (krvavice).
6. Drinking with your parents is normal.
7. Your relatives, especially in Slovenija, do not believe in opening the car windows on a sweltering hot day because of “prepih”.
8. When outside of Slovenia, you fight an irresistible urge to kiss the person you’ve just shaken hands with.
9. You're not allowed to leave the house with damp hair because you're going to become bolan(a).
10. You have to wear copate around the house, even if you have carpeting and it is 95 degrees outside.
11. Your family makes their own vino, medica, or šlivo.
12. You never got to sleep in on Saturday because you had Slovenska šola.
13. Mami is always making you eat.
14. You know how to dance polka and you’re proud of it.
15. Someone in your family can play buttonbox or accordion and is always bothering you to learn.
16. You’ll still drink Cockta to please your family in Slovenija even though it makes you sick to your stomach.
17. English verbs are acceptable if used with the ending "-ati", which makes them Slovenian: "play-ati", "study-ati", “clean-ati”.
18. At the age of 13 you are only allowed to go out of town with your friends for folklore festivals, drinking binges, and dances.
19. Your parents were at the party where you first got drunk and maybe even offered you a drink.
20. Then they waited until the ride home to beat the crap out of you for getting drunk and embarassing them.
20. The majority of your friends are also your relatives, even if they aren't your relatives; because you refer to their parents as "teta" and "stric”.
21. "Kuhovnice" are not only used for stirring when cooking... they are also used by mami to beat you when there is no "šiba" handy..
22. At least once you've told your parents that you'll call the police to report "child abuse" and your parents said "Ja! Samo probaj..."
23. Lunch on Sundays has more courses than Amerikanci have for Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner.
24. Your 13 year old sister can out-drink any Amerikan'c or Irishman.
25. You love "golaž", but don't like bringing it to school or work for lunch because you'd be embarrassed if someone asked you what it was.
26. Vegetarianism is not a concept your parents understand.
27. All other action stops when you hear people speaking Croatian or Serbian somewhere.
28. You smell garlic or alcohol on the old man's breath behind you sitting on the pew in church on Sunday mornings.
29. You never got the "Birds and the Bees" talk from mami or ati when growing up.
30. You are only allowed to vacation in the homeland for a minimum of 4 weeks.
31. Your relatives alone can populate a small city.
32. You’ve worked in the “štale” at your relatives house in Slovenia and the cow smell didn’t even bother you.
33. You know what a "D.P" and a "Boater" are and you frequently call your parents by either derogatory name.
34. You think mixing Coke and red wine (bambus) is an extremely tasty drink.
35. You're still laughing your ritka off because you know every single one of these are true.

"Če se nameravate poročiti, vzemite lepotico! Lažje se je boste znebili"
:D

30 Things To Do In An Exam When You Know You're Going To Fail It Anyways!

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.

14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)

15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

24. Masturbate.

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

Novi župnik

Novi župnik je pred prvim bogoslužjem tako nervozen, da iz sebe ne spravi
niti besedice.

Za nasvet vpraša škofa. Ta mu svetuje, da naj pred mašo v kozarec vode
kapne 2 kapljici tequille, naj to spije in tako ne bo več nervozen.
Novi župnik to stori in postane tako miren, da ga tudi najhujše neurje ne
more spraviti iz tira.

Po končani maši odide v zakristijo in na mizi najde popisan list, podpisan
s škofovim imenom::

Spoštovani župnik!

Imam nekaj pripomb na vaše prvo mašo in upam, da se tak dogodek na naslednjem
bogoslužju ne ponovi:

Na rob keliha ni potrebno zatikati nikakršnih limoninih rezin.

Kabinica poleg oltarja je spovednica in ne WC.

Božjih zapovedi je 10 in ne "cirka 12"

Apostolov je bilo 12 in ne "približno 7"

Jezusa in apostole ne poimenujemo "J.C. and the gang"

David je Golijata premagal z metom kamenja v glavo in ga ni "nafiksalz kokainom
do smrti"

Judeža ne poimenujemo "kurbin sin" in Papeža ne poimenujemo "El Padrino"

Bin Laden ni imel nikakršnega opravka s smrtjo Jezusa.

Blagoslovljena voda ni tam za "umivanje obraza in vratu" temveč za
blagoslavljanje.

Zakaj ste mašno vino spili z enim požirkom, zatem polizali sol z roke in na
koncu ugriznili v rezino limone mi tudi ni čisto jasno?

Predvsem pa ne smete moliti tako, da se usedete na stopnico pred oltarjem in
položite noge na sveto pismo.

Hostije niso mišljene kot "prigrizek k vinu" ampak so mišljene za vernike.

Noe je zgradil barko in ne "offshore-Boat"

Abraham ni bil "Ata Smrk"

Povabilo k plesu ni tako slaba zamisel, vendar pa je skakanje v koloni skozi
celotno cerkev šlo predaleč.

"Pi.. z majhnimi joškami" je devica Marija. Ni potrebe da njen kip stalno
objemate, poljubljate in ližete.

Tako imenovani "Freak" nad oltarjem je Jezus. In on tam tudi ne visi kar tako,
temveč je pribit na križ.

Tisti, ki je stal v kotu cerkve pri pevskem zboru in katerega ste poimenovali
"transvestitska Pederčina v dolgi kikli" sem bil jaz!

Naslednjič vas prosim, da kapnete 2 kaplji tequile v kozarec vode in ne
obratno.


Lep pozdrav Vaš Škof

Kak si slonica vstavi tampon?

Vsede se na ovco.

Malce spremenjen, a vendarle boljsi:

Ucitelj v soli vprasa, katera stvar najlepse disi.
Mojca pravi roza, Miha odgovori parfum itd,itd...
Dvigne roko Janezek ter odgovori: "Najlepse disi sveze pobrita pizda"
Ucitelj znori, poslje Janezka domov ter zahteva da oce pride naslednji dan na razgovor.
Drugi dan pride Janezek v solo.
Ucitelj zacudeno gleda ter vprasa:"Janezek, a nisem narocil da pride danes oce na razgovor"
Janezek ga pogleda ter odgovori:" Sem povedal ocetu doma in tudi on pravi da najlepse disi sveze pobrita pizda. Ce pa vi niste takega mnenja ste en navaden peder in on noce imeti opravka z kurcevimi pedri

še en od gorencu:

Pride gorenc domov, se uleže na kavč, si ga vrže na roke, spije litr radenske in reče:

TO ti je ŽIVOT, k*rbe pa šampanjc!!

Nadaljevalni tečaj dolenjščine:

Danes pa se bomo naučili, kako se reče moškemu po dolenjsko:

5=LN


Beseda za žensko v dolenjščini:


QQŠ





Če ti ni jasno, preberi naglas in se poslušaj!

Programer pripoveduje: Ko mi je šlo vse narobe, sem pozno ponoči obupan natipkal: "Jebi se!" in odgovor je bil: "Part of hardware missing !"

DEFINICIJA RAČUNALNIŠKEGA UPORABNIKA

Računalniški uporabnik je tisti, ki bolj ali manj pogosto zapravlja svoj čas s praznim buljenjem v računalniški ekran. Novopečeni računalniški uporabnik je tisti, ki se boji, da bo s pritiskom na tipko pokvaril računalnik.
Povprečen računalniški uporabnik je tisti, ki ne ve kako popraviti svoj računalnik, potem ko je pritisnil tipko.
Strokovnjak med računalniškimi uporabniki je tisti, ki poleg svojega kvari računalnike tudi drugim.

Bill Gates, Buch in Putin stojijo pred Bogom.
"Kdaj bo ameriško ljudstvo pozabilo vojno v Vietnamu?" je vprašal Bill.
"Čez 65 let!" je odgovoril Bog.
"Toda, jaz takrat ne bom več živ!" je vzkliknil Bush.
"Kdaj si bo opomoglo rusko gospodarstvo?" je vprašal Putin.
"Ćez 75 let!" je odgovoril Bog.
"Toda, jaz tega ne bom doživel.! Takrat ne bom več živ!" je vzkliknil Putin.
"Kdaj bodo Windowsi brez npak?" je vprašal še Bill Gates.
"Takrat jaz ne bom več živ!" je odgovoril Bog.

MALO HUMORJA O TAŠČAH !!!

Srečata se Edo in Jože.
Edo: ?Sem slišal, da ti je umrla tašča. Kaj pa je imela??
Jože ?Eh, skromno hranilno knjižico, pa nič drugega.?
Edo: ?Ne, mislim, kaj ji je manjkalo??
Jože: ?Aja, solidna penzija in lastno stanovanje.?
Edo: ?Ma ne, človek, mislim, zakaj je umrla??
Jože: ?Ah, to ......... Rekel sem ji, naj gre v klet po krompir, da ga bomo imeli za kosilo, pa je padla po stopnicah in si zlomila vrat.?
Edo: ?O, groza! Strašno! In kaj ste potem naredili??
Jože: ?Makarone.?

"Kakšna je idealna teža tašče?"
"4 kg skupaj z žaro. "

Pride pogrebnik domov, vse zmučen. Pa ga vpraša žena: Zakaj si pa tako zmucen? Ste imeli dosti pogrebov?
Pa pravi pogrebnik: Ne, samo enega.
Ga žena vpraša: Zakaj si pa potem tako zmucen?
Ker smo pokapali neko tecno tašco, pa so ostali ploskali, tako, smo mogli desetkrat ponavljati!

Pride snaha v svoj novi dom in tašca ji že prvi dan razloži, kakšen je dnevni režim pri njej: Ko zjutraj vstanem ob 6, mi prosim skuhaj kavico. Potem ob sedmih hocem zajtrk, in ce bom imela ob osmi uri trak na glavi, sem dobre volje, drugace pa se me pazi!
Snaha pa ji prijazno odgovori:
A tako, jaz imam pa drugacno navado.
Ko zjutraj vstanem ob šetih, popijem en kozarec žgane pijace, ob sedmih še enega. Ja, veste tako je to, ampak potem mi je ob osmi uri prav vseeno, ali imate trak na glavi ali ne!

Avtobus tašc se pelje na izlet, zgodi se nesreca in vse umrejo.
Zeti nato naredijo veselico. Le en tam v kotu celi vecer žalosten sedi in joce. Le kaj te muci, ga vprašajo, ko jim je vsega dovolj. A ti nisi vesel ? Ne, jim odvrne, moja je odpovedala izlet.

"Zakaj si tako žalosten? Kaj se je zgodilo?" vpraša Lojze prijatelja Marka.
"Oh, moja tašča je umrla!"
"Moje iskreno sožalje," reče Lojze.
"Hvala. Veš, mene je govor župnika tako pretresel. Rekel je, da bomo v nebesih spet skupaj."

Kaj je to hudobija? Da vržeš taščo po stopnicah v klet, potem pa za njo zavpiješ: "Če si že spodaj, mi pa dva pira zraven prinesi!"

Gre tašča na obisk k hčerki, pa jo vmes ulovi en fajn naliv. Vsa mokra se priplazi do hiše in pozvoni. Odpre ji zet in reče: Ja, gospa, kaj pa vi v takem vremenu zunaj???
Pejte hitro domov!! In zapre vrata...

Milan vstopi v pisarno in presenečeno pogleda kolega Emila, ki sedi za pisalno mizo.
" Kaj pa ti delaš v službi?" ga vpraša.
"Kaj ni danes pogreb tvoje tašče?"
"Je, ampak moje načelo je: najprej delo, nato zabava!"

"Pridite takoj k nam! Tašča hoče skočiti skozi okno."
"Napačno številko ste zavrteli, gospod. Mi smo mizarji in ne
policisti."
"Je že prava številka. Problem je v tem, da ne more odpreti okna."

"Dobrodošla!" pozdravi Marko svojo taščo na vhodnih vratih. "Koliko časa boste ostali pri nas?"
"Dokler vama ne bom šla na živce."
"A samo tako na kratko ste se oglasili?" :

Žena nervozno nekaj išče po stanovanju.
"Miha, si videl mojo knjigo?" končno vpraša moža.
"Katero?"
"Tisto z naslovom: Kako doživeti sto let."
"Vrgel sem jo v smeti, ker jo je hotela brati tvoja mama!"

Scena na balkonu desetega nadstropja. Ženska visi z balkona in se drži za ograjo, moški na balkonu pa tolče po njenih rokah. Nekdo s ceste zagleda kaj se dogaja in zavpije moškemu na balkonu:
"Kaj delate z rokami te ženske?"
"To ni ženska! To je moja tašča!"
"No, poglej, poglej, kako močno se drži za ograjo!"

"Izgubil sem 70 kilogramov odvečne teže."
"Aaaaa? To ni mogoče!"
"Kako da ne? Odselila se je tašča!"

Snaha obišče taščo v bolnici. Tašča ves čas pogovora stoka in joka:
"Umrla bom!"
Snahi je naenkrat dovolj in reče:
"Če je bilo doslej vse po vaše, pa naj bo še to!"

Zdravko se je oglasil v zakonski posvetovalnici in povedal
zakonskemu svetovalcu:
"Ženo ljubim in resnično imava srečen zakon. Toda, velika težava je v tem, da pri naju živi moja tašča, ki je res ne morem več prenašati. V vsako minuto najinega življenja se vmešava in mi gre že krepko na živce. Le kaj naj storim?"
Zakonski svetovalec ga s tihim glasom vpraša: "Ste že poskusili s strupom?"

Franc dobi telegram, da mu je umrla tasca. Brez besed vstane, vzame klesce in kladivo ter zacne snemati Jezusa s kriza nad posteljo.
- Kaj vendar pocnes? je zaèudena zena.
- On je osvobodil mene in zdaj bom jaz njega.

Hiša gori.Hrabri mož steče v hišo in privleče sina ven.Nato gre spet noter in prinese ženo.Potem gre še enkrat in privleče psa.Potem gre še enkrat in pride prazen ven, pa še enkrat tako. Gasilec ga čudno gleda in vpraša kaj zaboga počne.On pa : Taščo obračam!

Mladoporočenca živita v isti hiši kot tašča. Nevesta je bila vajena malce dlje spati, počasi popiti kavo...
Nekega jutra začne tašča: "A veš da vse punce tvojih let vstajajo zgodaj. Ob tej uri imajo že kosilo skuhano in vse pospravljeno. Ne vem kaj je s tabo."
Pa reče nevesta vsa zaspana: "Ja draga tašča, tudi gospe vaših let so že vse pod zemljo, pa vam tega nikoli ne očitam."

Tašča gospoda Novaka je na počitnicah v Španiji utonila. Čez dve leti je obalna straža našla truplo in poslala gospodu Novaku naslednji telegram: Našli mamo vaše žene, pokrito s školjkami, biseri so vredni 500.000,00 EUR.
Gospod Novak telegrafira nazaj:
Prodajte bisere, pošljite denar in znova nastavite vabo!

Učiteljica v šoli vpraša Janezka: Janezek, povej mi, na žici sedijo tri vrane. Lovec eno ustreli, koliko jih še ostane?
Janezek odgovori: nič.
Učiteljica pravi: Janezek, napačno, pravilen odgovor je 2.
Pa se upre Janezek: Ne, učiteljica, lovec eno vrano ustreli, drugi dve pa se ustrašita in odletita.
Pa pravi učiteljica: Odgovor še zmeraj ni pravilen. Razmišljaš pa dobro.
Čez nekaj časa Janezek vpraša učiteljico: Učiteljica, recimo, da so v parku na klopci tri ženske. Vse tri ližejo sladoled. Ena ga liže od leve proti desni, druga od desne proti levi, ena pa ga da direkt v usta. Katera od teh je poročena?
Učiteljica zardi in si misli: na, zdaj me je pa dobil. In odgovori: Hja, tista, ki ga da direkt v usta.
Pa poreče Janezek: Ne, poročena je tista, ki ima poročni prstan. Ampak razmišljate pa dobro ;)

A man walks into a toy store to buy a Barbie for his daughter.
There were a lot of them, so he asked the saleslady how much they cost.
The girl responds: "Which one? We have different kinds;

Gymnasium Barbie: $19.95
Volleyball Barbie: $19.95
Shopping Barbie: $19.95
Surfer Barbie: $19.95
Disco Barbie: $19.95
and
Divorced Barbie: $299.95

Shocked, the man asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie $299.95
when all the other Barbies are $19.95?"
Exasperated, the girl responds:

"Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with:

Ken's Car
Ken's House
Ken's Boat
Ken's furniture
Ken's jewellery
Ken's money
Ken's computer,
and
Ken's best friend

Stopnjevanje pridevnika "lijep"

lijep, lijepši, VIDI MENE

Stara gospa umre in gre v nebesa.
Medtem ko caka na dovoljenje za vstop pred vrati kramlja s Sv. Petrom.
Naenkrat se zaslisi grozovito kricanje in vrescanje, da stari gospe zledeni
kri v zilah.
"Moj bog, kaj neki je bilo to?!" vprasa gospa, "kaj se dogaja?"
"Brez skrbi," odvrne Sv. Peter, "samo nekomu vrtajo v lopatice luknje za
pritrditev angelskih kril."
Stara gospa je videti nekoliko pretresena, a vseeno nadaljuje s pogovorom.
Deset minut kasneje se vnovic zaslisi kricanje in vrescanje.
"O, moj bog! Kaj pa je zdaj?!" vprasa gospa.
"Brez skrbi," ravnodusno odvrne Sv. Peter, "nekomu vrtajo v glavo luknje za
pritrditev svetniskega sija."
Stara gospa zmaja z glavo: "To je prevec zame, jaz grem kar dol v pekel."
"Pa ja ne greste dol," se zavzame Sv. Peter, "na silo vas bodo pofukali
spredaj in zadaj in se kam."
"Saj vem," odvrne gospa, "ampak za to ze imam luknje!"

Če znate taljansko (v slovenščini se izniči fora):

V šoli se pogovarjajo o tem, da so živali kosmate:
Maestra: ...e anche il gatto e coperto di pelle...
Luigi: Maestra, sai che le palle di Natale sono pellose?
Maestra: Ma di che bugiarda stai parlando!
Luigi: Natale, vieni qua, mostra le palle!

hehe zdej so resnični prišli na plano.
No mpri mojmu bratu je bilo takole. Tko vprašajo prfokso za gefo: ''kako se reče glavnemu mestu Amerike? ''Nju jork'' ali ''nev jork''?
Pa tko prfoksa reče: ''Jaaa, a ni nju jork?''
Pol pa oni rečejo: ''Profesorica ali ni glavnno mesto Amerike Washington?''

V soli so se pogovarjali, kaj je popolnoma tocno, a preprosto neverjetno.

Nihce ni vedel odgovora, pa se oglasi Janezek:
'Absulutno tocno je, da je vagina stalno vlazna, a preprosto neverjetno, da nikoli ne zarjavi.'
Seveda uciteljica ni bila nad odgovorom navdusena (ukor).
Naslednjic so ponavjali snov. Zopet nihce ni poznal odgovora razen Janezka, ki je rekel:
'Absulutno tocno je, da penis nima kosti, a preprosto neverjetno kako je trd.'

Ker je bila napovedana inspekcija je uciteljica rekla Janezku, da naj prihodnjic ne odgovarja, ne da bi kdo vprasal.
Naslednji dan je inspekcija preverjala znanje ucencev. Ko so prisli do Janezka, so ga vprasali: 'No Janezek, povej mi trditev, ki je popolnoma tocna, a preprosto neverjetna!'
Janezek odgovori: 'Absulutno tocno je, da je Zemlja okrogla...'
Uciteljica se je le oddahnila.
...a popolnoma neverjetno, da ljudje kavsajo na vsakem vogalu.'

Na licitaciji za farbanje broda Queen Mary, posao dobije Mujo & co. iz Doboja.
Dolazi nadzorni organ da provjeri kako je pofarbano, gleda komisija kvalitetu boje, koliko slojeva itd.... Sa obale sve OK.

Sjednu u čamac da vide drugo stranu, kad ona uopče nije pofarbana.
Jel` umijete vi, Mr. Mujo, da čitate ugovor?
Jes vala, umijem.
Pa što ste pofarbali samo jednu stranu?
A jel` umijete VI da čitate ugovor? Lijepo piše da "farbanju broda pristupaju: sa jedne strane Mujo & co. iz Doboja, a sa druge strane investitor". A sad: il` farbajte svoju stranu ili da pišemo neki aneks!

se podpišem

Zaradi neke specifične situacije v enem od ljubljanskih predorov, zaradi
česar je posledično zaprt, so poklicani v zagovor na sodišče železo, pesek
in cement.

Pa sede na zatožno klop prvo železo in pove:
Mene so sam na gradbišče pripeljal in me na strop montiral, jst nč kriv in
nč ne vem.

Za tem sledi pesek:
Poslušte, mene so pripelal na gradbišče, zmešal z vodo in na strop nametal,
jst nič kriv in nič več ne vem.

Naenkrat se oglasi cement pa pravi:
Če me prej niste mešal v to zadevo me tud zdle ni treba mešat zravn!!

How many racists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None -- they don't want to be enlightened!

V šoli so učiteljica in učenci razpravljali, kako doma živijo.Vsak pove
svojo verzijo, Janezek pa pravi:

"Pri nas je pač tak ;ata, mama in jaz in tako tudi spimo v isti postelji . Kaj morem smo
pač revni."

Čez nekaj dni pride Janezek v šolo z buško na glavi pa ga učiteljica
vpraša:"Janezek, kaj se ti je zgodilo?" pa pravi Janezek:"Saj veste, pri
nas je pač tak; ata,mama in jaz. Ko smo zvečer legli, me je oče vprašal
ali spim pa povem, da še ne in sem dobil po buči."

Učiteljica mu da nasvet:"Ko te spet vprašajo ali spiš bodi kar tiho pa
bo vse v redu."

Nekaj dni je res bilo vse v redu, nato pa spet še večja buška in spet
vprašanje:"Ja Janezek, kaj se ti je pa zdaj zgodilo, ali nisi upošteval
mojega nasveta?"

"Saj veste pri nas je pač tak; ata, mama in jaz.Zvečer smo legli, oče me
je vprašal ali že spim, bil sem tiho kot miš, nakar mama reče :"No stari
te pa gremo," jaz pa sem samo vprašal. Kam pa?"