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Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
'Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a
beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly,
'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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Understanding Engineers - Take Two:
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the
glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big
as it needs to be.

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Understanding Engineers - Take Three:
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's
with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen
such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a
word with him."
"Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from
a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad.
I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

**********************************

Understanding Engineers - Take Four:
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

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Understanding Engineers - Take Five :
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical
engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections.
"The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would
run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

*************************************

Understanding Engineers - Take Six :
Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet."

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Understanding Engineers - Take Seven :
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out," If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight :
Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a
conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and
watched as the three engineers only bought one ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an
accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.

They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats,
but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door
behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around
collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket,
please."

The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in
hand. The conductor took it and moved on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So, after
the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return
trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When
they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip.
To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to ride without a ticket?" said one perplexed
accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.

When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom
and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train
departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and
walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding. He knocked
on the door and said, "Ticket, please."

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