Your favourite 2013 April 1st jokes

Officials were delighted to say that research opportunities at the lab will expand. Users from the biological and even the social science fields will now come to Fermilab to study the effects of high-speed acceleration on living organisms, mainly human park attendees.

"I fully support these innovative, transformative changes," said Assistant Director for Particle Physics Greg Bock. "The particles have had their chance. Now it's our turn to experience acceleration."

"Young people came to Stonehenge to listen to loud music with a strong beat. Some went back home, but others stayed and were buried here."

Linguists working with that team have just succeeded in deciphering an inscription on one of the megalith's stones, written in an ancient Indo-European language. It reads: "If the gods had meant us to go to rock concerts, they would have given us tickets."

Scientists today announced they have located a gene apparently responsible for a person's sense of humor. The finding may provide potential drug targets for those who "just don't get it."