najsmešnejšejša šala (kao)

Tale šalica naj bi bila po mnenju obiskovalcev neke strani najsmešnejša :)

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Famed fictional detective Sherlock Holmes and his gruff assistant Doctor Watson pitch their tent while on a camping expedition, but in the middle of the night Holmes nudges Watson awake and questions him.

HOLMES: Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you deduce.

WATSON: I see millions of stars, and if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it is quite likely there are some planets like earth, and if there are a few planets like earth out there there might also be life.

HOLMES: Watson, you idiot! Somebody stole our tent.

xbite: upam da ne zameriš, če jih še js nekaj objavim

vir - od tu in tam

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slovensko - albanski slovar

meteorolog - Azimi Aljeti
cistilec kanalizacije - Izmet Fekalji
bankir - Menjami Valjuti
direktor tobacne tovarne - Ajdemi Pusi
namestnik - Ajdei Meni

slovensko - madarski slovar

cebela - beremed
matica - neberemed
trot - jebeneberemed
bankomat - serekes

slovensko - makedonski slovar

mitraljez - puskata na ratatata
breztrzajni top - topce ni da mrdne

slovensko - bosanski slovar

tank - belaj bager
minsko polje - belaj basta
na mestu voljno - na mjestu rahat
policaj - pendrek efendija
policijski specijalec - masala pendrek efendija
baletka - zvrk hanuma
kosarkas - basket balija
kosarkarsko igrisce - basket avlija
blagovna hisa - harac pazar
grejpfrut - masala limuna ...

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Soncnega nedeljskega jutra pritece zajcek mimo lisicinega brloga, ko si lisica ravno zvija joint.
Da te ni sram! Tako lep dan, sredi narave, ti se bos pa zakadila!
Pojdi raje z mano na jogging..
Lisica pomisli: prav ima, odvrze joint in skupaj odsibata..
Priteceta do volka, ki si ravno greje zlico nad sveco.. Zajcek ponovno:
Volk, pusti drogo! Teci z nama, je bolj zdravo, poglej kako lepo jutro je danes!
Volk malo zagodrnja, pri sebi si misli: mali ima prav, in gre z njima..
Tako sibajo okrog, poberejo jazbeca med njuhanjem koke, medveda ki je podkuril vodno pipo..in v ekipi je ze lepo stevilo zivali, kar pritecejo do leva, starega jankija in zajcek ze od dalec vpije: Hej lev...
lev pa rece:
Jebemti, kaj mora vedno cel gozd sibat naokoli ko zajcek vzame preveliko dozo ekstazija..

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Sreli se pile i crv u Crnoj Gori, te crv rece piletu:"Dje si sokole, nijesam te vidio trista godina!"
Na to ce pile:"A dje si ti zmijo ljuta!"

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Odseo covek u hotelu u Crnoj Gori i narucio budjenje u 7.30 ujutro.
Zvoni telefon ujutro i javlja se recepcija:
R: - "Halo, jel ste vi narucili budjenje u 7.30?"
G: - "Jesam."
R: - "A sto ne ustajes jado, vec je pola jedanaest!"

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Originala ne najdem

Sluzbeni glasnik advokata iz Masacusetsa (Massachusetts Bar Associattion Lawyers Journal), pocetkom ove godine objavio je dvadesetak autenticnih pitanja postavljenih svedocima tokom sudskih rasprava.
Evo sta su pitali americki advokati.
1. "Kazite nam doktore, je li istina da kad covek umre u snu, toga nije svestan do ujutru?"
2. "Vas najmladi sin, dvadesetjednogodisnjak, koliko je on star?"
3. "Jeste li bili prisutni kada su vas fotografisali?"
4. "Da li ste bili sami ili nije bilo nikoga?"
5. "Da li ste vi ili vas mladi brat ubijeni u ratu?"
6. "Da li vas je ubio?"
7. "Koliko su vozila bila udaljena u trenutku sudara?"
8. "Bili ste tamo dok niste otisli, jel tako?"
9. "Koliko puta ste izvrsavali samoubistvo?"
10. "Dakle beba je zaceta 8. avgusta?"
"Da."
" A sta ste vi radili u tom trenutku?"
11. "Ona ima troje dece zar ne?"
"Da."
"Koliko je decaka?"
"Nijedan."
"A devojcica?"
12. "Kazete da stepenice vode dole u podrum?"
"Da."
"A, moze li se tim stepenicama popeti gore?"
13. "Gospodine Slatery, bili ste na prilicno dugom medenom mesecu,
zar niste?"
"Jeste, boravio sam u Evropi, gospodine."
"A jeste li sa sobom poveli mladu?"
14. "Kako se zavrsio vas prvi brak?"
"Smrcu."
"A cijom smrcu?"
15. "Kako biste opisali tu osobu?"
"Bila je srednjeg rasta, s bradom."
"Jel to bio muskarac ili zena?"
16. "Doktore, koliko ste obdukcija obavili na mrtvacima?"
"Sve moje obdukcije obavljam na mrtvacima."
17. "Svi vasi odgovori moraju biti usmeni, razumete? U koju ste
skolu isli?"
"Usmenu."
18. "Secate li se koliko je bilo sati kada ste pregledali telo?"
"Autopsija je zapocela oko pola devet ujutru."
"A gospodin Dennington je u to doba bio mrtav?"
"Ne, sedeo je na obdukcijskom stolu i cudio se zbog cega mu treba autopsija."
19. "Da li ste kvalifikovani da date uzorak mokrace?"
"Kvalifikovan sam od malih nogu."
20. "Doktore, pre nego sto ste pristupili autopsiji, jeste li
proverili puls?"
"Ne."
"Jeste li proverili krvni pritisak?"
"Ne."
"Jeste li proverili disanje?"
"Ne."
"Dakle, moguce je da je pacijent jos bio ziv kada ste otpoceli
autopsiju?"
"Nije moguce."
"Kako mozete biti tako sigurni, doktore?"
"Zato sto je njegov mozak bio u tegli s formalinom na mom stolu."
"Ali, zar nije moguce da je pacijent i pored toga ipak bio ziv?"
"Moguce je da je ziv, i da se danas negde bavi advokaturom."

TOLE PALI NA ZABAVAH; SAM MORAŠ DOOOOOOLGO DOLGO PRAVIT:

Dave is driving down a rural highway late at night. He's been driving for a long, LONG time, and he's starting to get REALLY tired, but he is SO far out in the country that there are no hotels or inns ANYWHERE. So finally he decides that he is tired enough to just pull over at the next house and ask to spend the night. He pulls up at a pink house with pink trim, pink shutters, pink windows, and a pink door. He gets out of his car, walks up the pink sidewalk, up the pink driveway, climbs the pink steps, and rings the pink doorbell. A pink lady comes to answer the pink door. Dave explains to her, "Ma'am, I know it's late, but I'm really tired, and if I could just spend the night, I'd really appreciate it." The pink lady says, "Sure, no problem! Come on inside! Go up the pink stairs, down the pink hallway, and behind the first pink door on your right you'll find a pink bedroom. Inside the pink closet are some pink sheets, pink blankets, and pink pillowcases that you can put on the pink bed and the pink pillows. Sleep well!" So Dave steps inside the pink door, walks up the pink steps, down the pink hallway, and opens the first pink door on the right. He walks into the pink bedroom, goes to the pink closet, and takes out the pink blanket, the pink sheets, and the pink pillowcases. He puts the pink sheets and pink blanket on the bed, and the pink pillowcases on the pink pillows. He climbs under the pink covers, turns out the pink light, and falls immediately asleep. Time passes. A second man, Bob, is driving down the same highway. He, too, has been driving for quite some time and desperately needs sleep. But there are no hotels or inns anywhere to be found, so Bob decides to pull over at the next house that comes up. He parks in front of the pink house with pink trim, pink shutters, pink windows, and a pink door. He gets out of his car, walks up the pink sidewalk, up the pink driveway, climbs the pink steps, and rings the pink doorbell. The pink lady comes to answer the pink door. Bob explains to her, "Ma'am, I'm really sorry for ringing your doorbell so late at night, but I've been driving for hours and hours, and all I need is to please spend the night?" The pink lady says, "Sure! Come on in! Go up the pink stairs, down the pink hallway, and behind the second pink door on your right you'll find a pink bedroom. In the pink closet are some pink sheets, pink blankets, and pink pillowcases that you can put on the pink bed and the pink pillows. Sleep well!" So Bob steps inside the pink door, walks up the pink steps, down the pink hallway, and opens the second pink door on the right. He walks into the pink bedroom, goes to the pink closet, and takes out the pink blanket, the pink sheets, and the pink pillowcases. He puts the pink sheets and pink blanket on the bed, and the pink pillowcases on the pink pillows. He climbs under the pink covers, turns out the pink light, and falls immediately asleep. Time passes. A third man, Fred, is driving down the same highway. Like Dave and Bob, Fred has been driving for a long time, only Fred has been driving longer that either Dave or Bob. He can barely keep his eyes open. Because there are no hotels or inns, Fred decides to pull over at the next house. He parks in front of the pink house with pink trim, pink shutters, pink windows, and a pink door. He gets out of his car, walks up the pink sidewalk, up the pink driveway, climbs the pink steps, and rings the pink doorbell. The pink lady comes to answer the pink door. Fred, so tired he can barely speak, manages to stammer out, "Ma'am, I hate to bother you so late at night, but I really need some sleep. Could I stay at your house?" The pink lady says, "Sure! Come on inside! Go up the pink stairs, down the pink hallway, and behind the third pink door on your right you'll find a pink bedroom. In the pink closet are some pink sheets, pink blankets, and pink pillowcases that you can put on the pink bed and the pink pillows. Sleep well!" So Fred staggers through the pink door, walks up the pink stairs, down the pink hallway, and into the third pink door on the right. He walks into the pink bedroom, goes to the pink closet, and takes out the pink blanket, the pink sheets, and the pink pillowcases. He puts the pink sheets and pink blanket on the bed, and the pink pillowcases on the pink pillows. He climbs under the pink covers, turns out the pink light, and falls immediately asleep. TIME PASSES. The sun rises. Dave wakes up. He climbs out of the pink bed, strips the pink blankets and pink sheets off the pink bed, and takes the pink pillowcases off the pink pillows. He puts the pink blankets, pink sheets, and pink pillowcases into the pink closet, and leaves the pink bedroom. He walks down the pink hallway, down the pink stairs, takes a left, and walks into a pink kitchen with pink cabinets, a pink floor, pink shelves, pink fixtures, and the pink lady, going through the motions of making breakfast. The pink lady says, "Good morning! What would you like for breakfast? We have Rice Krispies or Cheerios." Dave says, "Cheerios, please." The pink lady goes to the pink cupboard and takes out a pink bowl. She goes to the pink silverware drawer and takes out a pink spoon. She pours some Cheerios out of a pink box into the pink bowl, goes to the refrigerator and takes out a pink milk carton, pours the milk into the pink bowl and sets the pink bowl and pink spoon in front of Dave. Dave sits down on the pink chair at the pink table and eats his Cheerios. He finishes, thanks the pink lady, goes out of the pink kitchen, out the pink door, down the pink steps, down the pink driveway, down the pink sidewalk, gets into his car and drives away. A little while later, Bob wakes up. He climbs out of the pink bed, strips the pink blankets and pink sheets off the pink bed, and takes the pink pillowcases off the pink pillows. He puts the pink blankets, pink sheets, and pink pillowcases into the pink closet, and leaves the pink bedroom. He walks down the pink hallway, down the pink stairs, takes a left, and walks into a pink kitchen with pink cabinets, a pink floor, pink shelves, pink fixtures, and the pink lady, going through the motions of making breakfast. The pink lady says, "Good morning! What would you like for breakfast? We have Rice Krispies or Cheerios." Bob says, "Cheerios, please." The pink lady goes to the pink cupboard and takes out a pink bowl. She goes to the pink silverware drawer and takes out a pink spoon. She pours some Cheerios out of a pink box into the pink bowl, goes to the refrigerator and takes out a pink milk carton, pours the milk into the pink bowl and sets the pink bowl and pink spoon in front of Bob. Bob sits down on the pink chair at the pink table and eats his Cheerios. He finishes, thanks the pink lady, goes out of the pink kitchen, out the pink door, down the pink steps, down the pink driveway, down the pink sidewalk, gets into his car and drives away. Finally, Fred wakes up after a long sleep. He climbs out of the pink bed, strips the pink blankets and pink sheets off the pink bed, and takes the pink pillowcases off the pink pillows. He puts the pink blankets, pink sheets, and pink pillowcases into the pink closet, and leaves the pink bedroom. He walks down the pink hallway, down the pink stairs, takes a left, and walks into a pink kitchen with pink cabinets, a pink floor, pink shelves, pink fixtures, and the pink lady, going through the motions of making breakfast. The pink lady says, "Good morning! What would you like for breakfast? We have Rice Krispies or Cheerios." Fred says, "Rice Krispies, please." The pink lady goes to the pink cupboard and takes out a pink bowl. She goes to the pink silverware drawer and takes out a pink spoon. She pours some Rice Krispies out of a pink box into the pink bowl, goes to the refrigerator and takes out a pink milk carton, pours the milk into the pink bowl and sets the pink bowl and pink spoon in front of Fred. Fred sits down on the pink chair at the pink table and eats his Rice Krispies. He finishes, thanks the pink lady, goes out of the pink kitchen, out the pink door, down the pink steps, down the pink driveway, down the pink sidewalk, gets into his car and drives away. The moral of the story is: Two out of three people prefer Cheerios to Rice Krispies.

LOL

Am. Poglej datum, pa ti bo jasno, zakaj si ga že nekajkrat slišal. :]]

Zaklep, ker zdaj imamo temo za take stvari - "funny links". Jebediah, prosim te, da v bodoče ne ustvarjaš zombi-tem (zombi-tema = da potegneš na plano staro temo brez dobrega razloga).

Pozdrav,
s.